Thoughts on a Fifth Season

Warning: spoilers
The season finale of Desperate Housewives aired Sunday evening, and I watched it online Monday evening after returning home from Jason's. Hatred runs deep for the show with many people rolling eyes and shirking when I bring it up. Unfortunately, their disparages seem slightly valid after this season. I never rolled my eyes, but I'm pretty sure they glazed over from time to time. In the hopes that the sixth season will offer a little more, I give you a list of six things I liked about the fifth season and six things I disliked.

Liked #1: Katherine and Bree's bonding
One aspect of the show that I enjoy is when the relationships between the various housewives are explored. Unfortunately, there wasn't much of that going on what with so many minor characters and rehashed plot points cropping up. However, time was taken to examine the tumultuous relationship between Bree and Katherine, expert caterers. Early in the season, some of the old animosity between the two returned when Bree turned into an egomaniac. Unfortunately, things were quickly cleared up, and the Katherine/Bree dynamic was swept off screen along with the catering kitchen scenes and Andrew, star assistant.

L#2: Orson's kleptomania
When Orson was introduced, he quickly went from jovial dentist to psychotic wife/mistress/Mike killer. While he actually hadn't participated in much foul play (and failed at the evil he attempted), he was still scary as hell for a while. It was nice to see some of his less pastel sweater personality traits shine through. When he realizes that his aim is to hurt Bree, I think I clapped. Bree needs to be hurt. She's been insufferable this season, and on top of that, she sent him to prison. No wonder his sanity is slipping a bit; mine would be gone.

L#3: Karen & Roberta, amateur detectives
When Lily Tomlin showed up, I cheered. When she and Kathryn started sleuthing, I was ecstatic. The chemistry and comedic timing that they have is wonderful. I would like to watch a show about them solving mysteries and kicking ass.

L#4: Edie Britt
Edie returned with this season's mystery in tow. During the season, her usual sluttish ways had been amended, and she seemed to settle down. However, she retained a coquettish edge. One of my favorite moments of the season was when she realized that her marriage was a sham. Her last few minutes made for great television. While her death wasn't particularly emotional, she got to narrate which was wonderful, and the tribute episode was one of the best of the season.

L#5: Gaby, formerly glamorous party-crasher
My favorite five-year transformation was Gaby who gained weight, two kids, and a frazzled stupor. One of the funniest visual gags was Carlos, completely unaware of his status as a party crasher, waving and grinning for nonexistent photographers. Gaby's ill-conceived attempts at parenting and covering up her fallen status were very entertaining. Unfortunately, she has since transformed into Gaby, awful and awfully rich person.

L#6: Lynette's job
The pizzeria closed, and Lynette gets to wield her powers of manipulation. It's a win-win situation!

Dislike #1: Dave and Dave's plans
Dave is not scary at all. They could have made him scary, but it was too important that he also be a tragic figure so he comes of as slightly unbalanced in a mostly harmless way. The sad thing is that Dave could have been frightening in his quest for revenge. Instead, he killed the one obligatory guy and talked about the Plan of No Sense (PNS). Despite living for no other reason and planning on killing himself afterward, Dave concocts the PNS to make someone's (first Katherine then M.J.) death look like an accident during a trip (first camping then fishing). Thankfully, Hallucination-Edie and Hallucination-Lila point out that Dave should just shot M.J. in the head. Unfortunately, the PNS's fishing trip comes to fruition.

D#2: Katherine & Mike
Possibly the most overwritten and under-planned plots of the season. Katherine and Mike have less chemistry than Susan and Mike. Hell, Susan and Katherine would make a better couple. During these scenes, I could literally see the writers around the table, trying to find something for Katherine and Mike to do.

D#3: Porter Scavo, fugitive
Porter didn't start the fire, but he did start lots of legal problems that we had to listen to. It seemed that the investigation and charges and conversations and worry would never end. (However, the fallout of Dave's revealed accusations faded away quickly after one punch.) While Porter's legal woes did give Bob more screen time, this just reaffirmed how bland Wisteria Lane's resident gays are. (And we didn't even get to see Karaoke Night at Bob and Lee's.)

D#4: Lack of casualties
This may be a crass thing to say, especially about a season that featured a fire, stabbing, and electrocution. However, everything seemed so pedestrian. Despite a dramatic buildup and a montage of characters in distress, only unnamed bystanders perished in the Great Club Fire. As for the obligatory murders, Dave still isn't scary, and we were already aware that every time Carlos and Gaby regain financial stability someone minor has to die.

D#5: Susan's love life
Susan's love life boils down to slapstick that is uncomfortable to watch. Susan's quest for love started with an under wraps relationship with Jackson that proceeded with unmitigated craziness. The middle contained scary possessive tendencies toward hapless Mike. It ended with a soulful declaration of love, a sham marriage, and deportation. Oh, that Susan.

D#6: The season finale
Since the season finale centered around Dave's PNS and tried to escalate it to a Plan of Awesome Revenge (PAR), it was bland, anti-climatic, and nonsensical. The PAR (really still the PNS) seemed to involve lots of driving; everyone seems to be driving around for an entire day without getting anywhere. Everything the PAR(NS) touches seems to become equally confusing. There's a cemetery in the middle of the woods. There's an intersection which exists in perpetual night. Other people unconnected with the PAR(NS) did regular stuff. And then Mike gets married to a mystery woman who is hopefully Felicia Tilman.